Junky Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is a lazy prequel even ChatGPT would be embarrassed by

• Transformers: Rise of the Beasts
• Directed by Steven Caple Jr.
• Written by Joby Harold, Darnell Metayer, Josh Peters, Erich Hoeber and Jon Hoeber
• Starring Anthony Ramos, Dominique Fishback and Ron Perlman
• Classification PG; 127 minutes
• Opens in theatres June 9

Transformers movies are a good sample case for what content made by AI could look like. The franchise, based on a cartoon series made to sell toys, is about space robots that Rubik’s Cube themselves into vehicles. These movies are mostly loud and clanky, often incoherent and occasionally awe-inspiring. Even when they’re good – relatively speaking – they can’t shake the feel of intellectual property cynically programmed into content that a fanbase submits to.

That the heroes are called Autobots – a name that could easily apply to so much content generation today – is just the cherry on top.

The most thrilling scene in Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, the latest in a franchise that is now seven installments deep, is a car chase that unintentionally nods to this tension. Anthony Ramos’s hero Noah, a New Yorker with his back to the wall struggling to get a handle on his life, is struggling to take control of the steering wheel in a vehicle. It just happens to be a robot in disguise.

Ramos (In the Heights, Hamilton) has palpable energy and charisma in the scene, reminding me of Will Smith in ‘90s blockbusters; he brings a renewed sense of wonder to the onscreen world. But that doesn’t last. Noah eventually gives up and relinquishes control to the Autobot named Mirage (voiced by Pete Davidson, who rides a fine line between comical and insufferable). You can feel the movie head downhill from there, as if – with Noah taking a back seat, following an Autobot’s lead – it has submitted to being another Transformers movie.

If we’re ranking those films, the latest lands somewhere between the ‘80s-set prequel Bumblebee and Michael Bay’s 2007 original, which is pretty much as good as it gets. Rise of the Beasts splits the difference between the former’s Steven Spielberg-light likeability and the latter’s alternately thrilling and mind-numbing spectacle. It also happens to be set in 1994, chronologically bridging the action between Bumblebee and the OG Transformers films.

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Noah is a former soldier falling behind on hospital payments for his younger brother’s sickle cell disease treatment. Dominique Fishback, fresh from killing it on Prime Video’s Swarm, plays Elena, an intern at a New York museum whose expertise in ancient ruins comes in handy when locating a glowy key thing that poses a belaboured threat to Earth. The key, which can open wormholes, is hidden on Earth by ancient Maximals, Autobot descendants that take the shape of wildlife. A planet-eating villain named Unicron (no relation to Omicron) wants the key so he can use it like an access card to an interstellar buffet.

Following the auto-generated-grade plot, you’ll notice that the writers (supposedly human) and director Steven Caple Jr. (Creed II) eventually work in an allegory to immigration and colonization. It’s no coincidence that a major smackdown between the Autobots and Unicron’s cronies takes place on Ellis Island.

I imagine this is the filmmaker’s attempt at making the brand more personal, engaged and relevant. I also imagine that engagement extends to casting diverse leads, Ramos and Fishback, whose characters’ struggles can be chalked up to systemic racism and institutional neglect. It’s too bad these details are more decorative than engaging, their inclusion feeling like calculated ways to pander to a more diverse audience.

If you ask ChatGPT to write you a lead character that appeals to a millennial audience of colour, it’ll likely tell you the character has swagger, comes from a diverse and struggling neighbourhood, and listens to TLC, Notorious B.I.G. and Wu-Tang. Check, check and, yes, the movie has a bumping soundtrack

I won’t lie. I was a sucker for the needle drops, willing even to excuse some of the more careless selections – such as Biggie’s ‘97 classic Hypnotize, which wasn’t yet out in the film’s timeline – because hearing hip-hop in a tent-pole movie with a cast that can truly vibe with it is a rare thing.

That’s the thing with movies such as Rise of the Beasts: Some of us want to celebrate a cynical product that is as personalized as a skirt kit on a Honda Civic just because it bothered to include our communities in its algorithm.